uh, really brain? And I guess adrenal glands?

[anneford]

Hey.

So.



I'm still having RP dramus. It's like... I haven't felt quite normal since the Mei/Ocelot incident. I figured I could keep going if I just kept things a little lighter but... I don't know. Things are still kind of making me anxious. It's not HUUUUUGE or debilitating but it's just there going all NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG ala Rosemary. And I hate that, because it really was fun. And itt still is sometimes, but I've just got this weird anxious feeling about everything FOR NO GOOD REASON BECAUSE I'VE ONLY BEEN DOING NORMAL STUFF AND WHY ISN'T THE NORMAL STUFF OK, LIKE SERIOUSLY?! I don't understand how just ONE thing can jack up the whole thing. one thing that I just wanted to try out and see how it went and oh well it didn't go well, and it really shouldn't matter anymore, it was like what... 3 weeks ago? WTF is wrong with me!? I don't want to have to drop the whole thing, I really really really really REALLY REALLY DON'T. So why can't I just get myself together? Why can't I just go back to the way things were? I thought I operated more logically than this, but APPARENTLY NOT.

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!

And everybody's been nothing but lovely and understanding about the whole stupid thing, so it'd definitely not that.

ASJF ajdfj jfkajf augh.

Dang it you guys, I'm usually not an internet drama queen, honest. I don't know wtf this is all about cuz it's not like I haven't been in RPs and NOT been a total crazyface about it. T__T

IDK I suppose I did have a kind of episode like this over Christmas break. Something about not having school maybe? It wasn't this long though. And it does seem to be directly connected to RP activity. BUT I WISH IT WASN'T BECAUSE ILU GUYS I REALLY REALLY DO. :[[[[[[[

On the other hand, really random stuff has been triggering it as well. Like looking at the official Japanese art for Nightrunner? And /cgl/ occasionally? Also thinking about EPAC will do it a little as well. And I have a history of hating summer break in general (which is why I do summer school)

IIIDDDDDDDKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK I'll at least give it until summer school starts to return my life to some semblance of normalcy. I'd also like to blame it on general compounding of THINGGSSSS like the realization that even though I've got another year of college ahead of me, this year really won't mean jack. My bio degree is in the bag and it's not want I want to do with my life and WHAT!/!?

It has occurred to me to go the the counseling center about this but my triggering incident is so... so.... AUGH. I can't imagine saying it out loud to another living person. ever.

I kind of want to get a CMI degree but really I need to be in college for 7 or 8 years? Really? That's............ ri-goddamn-diculous.

Seriouussslllllyyyyy

Maybe I'm anxious about being anxious and it makes me more anxious in this tumultuous spiralling hurricane of ADRENALINE.

Also I have to move next month and we don't have an apartment yet!

dang it guys in the words of ray smuckles i'm hella pulling a psychology right now


And I went to the dentist and I have a temporary metal crown and it's weird and metally and my jaw's sore from being held open and getting poked and generally disturbed and I'm hungry and I didn't sleep well last night like AT ALL and MAN I AM TOTALLY GOING TO FEEL STUPID FOR POSTING THIS TOMORROW. LIKE ALOT.

I also bought this skirt in brown to overlay on my skirt for my steampunk costume. except that I can't figure out for the life of me how to make it look like it does in that picture. At all. When I tuck in the sides it looks lumpy and retarded.

AND DR. WHO STOLE MY IDEA. My anxiety reminds me. I've said in the past that it would be completely sweet if we could consciously control our biochemistry (and our brains of course would be equipped to handle it, as a required condition). Then I could tell my body to stop making ANXIETY 'ROIDS and get the fuck over it. That'd be rad.

But oooohhhh the Doctor can already do that WOOOoooOoOOoOOOO. IDEA COPYRIGHT ME >:(

somebody in fission mailed chat directed me to Rifftrax which is like MST3K but just the audio, but that means they can pretty much do whatever movies they want. Including Cloverfield which I hated more than words can SAAAYYYY so I need it. I NEED IT. (more proof that the people there are super awesome)

ok this got really random really REALLY fast WHY AM I STILL AWAKE?!
shut up brain.

man why is half this under a cut and the other half not? I'M NOT FIXING IT!

Comments

[pearlandopal.livejournal.com]

If it helps any, the skirt looks weird and bulgy on the model too. :P

[jianna.livejournal.com]

not really because that reinforces the fact that it was a bum purchase. The main problem on me seems to be that the thing is GINORMOUS. you could fit about 2.5 me's in it.

... woe.

[pearlandopal.livejournal.com]

Can you cut it down enough to be useful?

[jianna.livejournal.com]

maybe, although for how much I paid for it, it's really disappointing. So I'm not sure whether to try to alter it or if I should return it and just make my own, because it sure isn't a complicated garment.

[pearlandopal.livejournal.com]

If you've got the material, just make your own. ;)