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[anneford]

So in the middle of summer I got this email from the Biology department about this program for Biology/Medical students where you work with a faculty member on research stuff during the school year and then really hardcore in the summer. And at first I looked at the application requirements and was like "OH GOD I'm not sure enough of what I want to do for this" and sort of disregarded it. But the deadline got pushed back and at a open house type thing for my job, my boss was running around introducing me to Bio faculty (while I was having a social anxiety panic attack) a few of whom encouraged me to try for the program. So I went back and looked at the original email and it's doable even though I only have 2 weeks to writing an application letter, related resume, and interview at least 3 faculty members to see who I would prefer as a mentor for the program. Gah. But ... one of the parts about it that worries me (along with my social anxiety about interviewing faculty) is that you're expected to stay in the program through your senior year. And then with the summer that takes away any possibility of study abroad I might have considered (though I wasn't considering very seriously just yet).

It's like I'm afraid t apply for it. For one there is my horrible hideous shyness problem and I know that shouldn't keep me from doing it but I don't know... I feel like my resistance to trying for it is stronger than that. Fear of failure so I don't want to try? Fear I will hate it? WHAT?! I don't know. I know I should really try to do it but something seriously is making me FREAK OUT ABOUT IT. Like right now. As I just write about doing it I'm feeling SO STRESSED AND PANICKY AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. Like tearing up anxiety. I'm serious. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME GUYS :(

I guess I don't really feel all that passionate about my major at the moment. After how much I hated biology last semester and how I'm really not looking forward to my current one I just don't know what I want and I feel like everything I'm doing is nothing that I want to do! BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO :(

Ben Folds is right. It really DOES suck to grow up.

Comments

[pearlandopal.livejournal.com]

Are you hesitant to do it because it's going to be a serious challenge and you're not sure it's worth the effort for a field you're not sure you want to be in anyhow? Or is it more like a gut feeling you shouldn't?

[jianna.livejournal.com]

I feel like I'm not sure I want to be in anyhow. But one of the professors I got introduced to said something like "Well you just gotta try and see!" or something to that effect. But the fact that you're supposed to commit to it for your senior year makes it a bit more..... yeah.

[mojavefive.livejournal.com]

They're probably desperate for graduates. I bet they have a lot of students transfer into different majors, and whenever they spot an even mildly promising (or stubborn XD ) student, they pop them the question to try and lock them in.

My recommendation: don't do it. If you change your mind about your major later on, you'll be trapped.